People in their 20s build their dreams, people in their 30s achieve them

Nowadays scrolling down the Facebook homepage can lead to emotional distress. I saw a senior in school being congratulated for her solo exhibition at an art gallery. A friend who shared desks with me at school set up her own company and is reaping the profits. The others are working, gaining recognition, are proudly displaying their offspring. Hahaha. That is an achievement of its own, okay? Watching schoolmates, old friends and acquaintances building their dreams and being successful at it makes me feel so hopeless in my own endless struggle. Of course, less people post about their failures so I can feel a tiny wee bit superior. They share happy moments which of course, warmed a part of my heart when I see it -

Well famous quotes are right, all that seizing the day stuff - you live the moment, hakuna matata, carpe diem. Sebab if you want to do a thing, find time to do it now, squeeze it into your schedules, sbb nanti in future you would regret not doing it.
But at the same time, that quote 'things happen for a reason' is also true. My faith even depends on believing it. Even knowing this I need to whine once in a while. Duh

I went to KUSESS for a one-week visit. Observed German language classes, luckily the students' socks didn't smell that bad. And their mistakes were so damn funny. I must exercise care not to laugh at my future student's mistakes. Anyway. I had a micro-teaching session and my heart dropped at the prospect of me failing miserably as a teacher.
I thought my methods are good enough, my exercises good enough, explanations clear enough. Though fairly speaking, it was my first time taking the role of a teacher, and there's always that infinite room for improvement. But delivering the things you learnt theoretically and making sure other real, living people with different psychological traits and learning styles are gaining from it is a big deal weh. I explained a bit of grammar, turned away from the white board and was met with blank faces. My brain was whirring hysterically with 'what do I do now?' Those were my friends I was teaching, whose German language abilities matches mine. What about schoolkids? Form 1 students who wasn't even sure why they were sitting there in the first place?

I heard from another fellow who was doing his practical, that he lost interest in the job after a month. There's this big looming shadow that's waiting to engulf me in the same dark state...
Anyway. One thing that's sure to motivate me is the need to see that what I started will gain compliments. hahaha. I'm vain. I want to be recognized for my efforts. I want people to tell me I did a good job, to feel that satisfaction when my teachlings (? too lazy to think of a better word) are able to function by themselves. So I must teach them well. If they don't want to learn, I'll put them in a headlock and force them to swallow things whole. There's no escaping the fact that most of the teachers themselves are responsible for failures in the syllabus / programs / curricula / visions missions and stuff. Not many are ready to change from their usual norms.

Of course, I'm young, hot-blooded and motivated, almost roaringly waiting at the starting line. Let's pray that I'll be forever young, hot-blooded and motivated for the rest of my teaching career. However long that lasts. Hey, I want to be rich too...

I guess I should've just updated the last post but I don't want to. Haha i want more counts

So a female singer broke up with her boyfriend and expressed her ache. What interested me was the comments. A lot was supporting her, telling the others not to judge. Other people mocked. A lot of men left "don't be sad, I'm here' comments lol
But this shows how people actually react to your expression of your problems, right? She's a public figure, so of course reactions to her are also public. If i were to post about my own feelings online, not a lot would comment, but they would have an opinion about that post, though I'm sure most would keep it to themselves.
Let's assume every one had gone through a break up. Or a heart ache. Or lost something. Or a dead pet. People would want to whine, to drop a tear. I surely cried when my pet rabbit died! Boo hoo. Anyway. You would want words of comfort. Look at babies. They screamed their lungs out until an adult comes and fuss over them. That's our nature. But right now we're not babies anymore. We need comforting, true. But one should avoid excessiveness.

How far do we go in caring for others?

Everybody has their own bundle of problems. Some choose to keep it to themselves. Some tell their closest, hoping for encouragements and most of the time expecting help. Some tell only the people they think can help. You can't help but be consumed with the problems during the time you're facing them. Your world revolved around it, you can't push it to the back of your minds, you worry, you're sad, you look at other people and think, "How can they be happy when I'm not?"

Truth be told, no one actually cares. Okay maybe that's a bit harsh, let me rephrase. Not all people around you actually cares that you're having a problem. Those affected, maybe yes. Maybe people who are in your immediate circle. Your parents, definitely. But the others, even those who know that you're facing problems, how much do you think they care?

And if you say they do, let's say they lent an ear, how far would they go to helping you? Let's pass over sincerity, since it's in the heart and can't be seen, therefore let's not assume that people helping others have some other motives in mind - we could never know for sure.

Let's look at ourselves. We see people sharing their / others problems on social networks. We think, 'poor you', 'poor kid', 'poor things', we click Like, we comment 'ala kesiannya', 'takziah' and stuff; sometimes we click on Share. But how much of that actually contributes to the solving of the problem, the soothing of the heart? Do we actually go out of the way and offer help, offer something that could brighten up the mind and take it off the problem for one second? There's another problem, too. In a book I read, a neighbourhood is known to bring casseroles to a house in which something bad happened. It's a physical offering, true, but there's no heart in it, you do things you think are necessary then wash your hands off the matter, thinking; 'I'm a good person, I've done my part in the society, I should leave them alone and not be bothered either'.

Most of the time we just feel suffocated. We see the timeline rolling, other people venting and we think 'do they think I want to know this?' After the initial empathy - supported by the redundancy of posts - we would just feel annoyed. Because your problems are not my problems, please share it only with the people who are concerned. Try Google+. ;)

This is not an Ad, btw.

No Sass at All

I've noticed that the previous blog post is dated exactly one year and two days after the last post. A total one year absence. People might think I was dead.
I am however forever grateful that I am still alive and breathing. It's just that I found other people's blog posts I read have evolved into amazing pieces of writing - much too different from my own incoherent ramblings. Most have found their footing, playing to their strengths and developing skills as they blog. I for one, have not.
I know for one thing, that my writings are rubbishy. Proof was, my lecturer gave me a C for an assignment. And this is the third time I'm whining about it online.
There's a grain of dust stuck under the key 'i'. Wait a bit while I get it out ikkuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuiiijjjjjjjjjjjjjjiijjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjiiiiiukiiiiuiiiuiijiiiiiiiiiiiiijjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjuuuuuuuuuiiuuuiiiiiiiiihiiijjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhghghjhhhhhhhhhhuiiiijjjhhhhhhhhhhhhuyhhhhkiiiiiiiiiiiiiiuiiijjjjjjjjjjjkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkjjjjjjuiiiiiuuiiooiiikjui8888888yyuiokjhyuiohjkiiiiiooiiiii

Phew. In the end I didn't know what got stuck. I did fish out a lot of dead skin cells that have accumulated into dust kittens, though.
Anyway, I guess my writing was at the same 'takuk' as two, three years ago. My vocabulary hasn't improved. My ideas haven't developed much, too. As a start, I guess I should change my reading materials. Opt for something the average adult my age likes, perhaps. Get my hands on some non-fiction. Widen my interests. And move my ass and get things done.

Anyway. Last year I think I may have found new love. But nothing's for sure. See you.

I got Kittehs!

Hello!

I got three kittens! Nanti update and upload gambar. Mase mak dia beranakkan anak-anak dia tiga ora ekor tu, I watched. She was in my room at that time. Muka mak dia pasrah je masa beranak tu, but she safely delivered one white, one brownish cream and one spotted kitten. They're almost a month old now and have started jumping around. I kinda love them to bits.

My source of info for all things catty is this blog
Their names are Blondie, Babykuch and Petlah. Hehe. I named them all. I wanted to name Petlah 'Aubergine' but its not purple. Its name was changed a few times already.
Blondie knows me, always stops in its tracks and look up at me with a freaking cute expression whenever I pass by. Babykuch is a coward who walks in reverse upon seeing something new, and is Petlah's fave punchbag. Petlah is quite rude - it slapped the catmom's face whenever she tried to lick it clean. That explains the dirty butt.
Their genders are yet to be determined. I don't see any balls yet lol. I want a boy kitten!

flashes of images in my brain can be described in thousands of words but my vocabulary is limited

7 billion people on earth. Everyday you walk, every day people pass by. Each time there isn't but fractions of seconds that two pairs of eyes met and acknowledge it's owner's presence, before their brains forgot them again.

Look at me while I look at you
and then
we go on ahead.

You can look at me as I look at you
and only in those two seconds
will I acknowledge you.

Look at me as I look at you
Now turn back to your partner
She's been trying to talk.

I know
and I know you know
That we are stealing glances.

edit: I saw this on tumblr, but it came from 9gag. -_-!

We checked in at the hotel at I don't know what time. Mula-mula kita book standard room with double bed. We thought of cramming ourselves in a room  - but that morning I couldn't think properly and told the other two to just get inside and rest while we check-in and of course reception asked where would the other two be staying. He was the one who suggested that we upgrade to family room and we agreed, now paying $93 for the room, divided between us four, instead of $45 in the first place. I was glad - room was indeed very small, the family suite makes it possible to breathe comfortably.
Then we went put to see the city. It was after 8am - though it feels like 11, we're too tired! Aaaand the rush hour is not helping. MRTs come every minute (if not every 45s) but we only barely managed to step inside the third train - that's saying how many people are using public transport to work. It's like travelling together with the crowd from Jalan TAR pada weekend lepas gaji masuk. Except this crowd is well-dressed, armed with iPhone 4s, Samsung Notes and their earphones. Oh yeah, Singaporean ladies wore grey eye shadows to work as opposed to soft pink worn by the German.
We got out at Raffles Place and spent 15 minutes watching a very cute German baby being told off by her mother - an excuse to sit after penat gila wrestling with the rush hour. The station's near the UOB Plaza

so effing tall almost cricked my neck standing at the base and looking up: something I never did with KLCC.

And THIS

'Bird' by Fernando Botero, the same person who painted the fat Monalisa. Man I'm so proud I touched this. 

Give you the bird's fat ass. 

BIRD YO ASS SO FAT, it's cute. Kalau bukan gangsa dah gigit dah kaki dia.

In Singapore installations like this are to be seen everywhere, by the way. From the Boat Quay we went by foot along the Singapore River towards the Merlion overlooking Marina Bay Sands and the Esplanade Theathers.

Then naik kat City Hall station belah pegi Bugis (Kampong Glam) sebab nak makan please la kitorang tak makan ape-ape lagi dari semalam okay. Sampai Arab Street makan dulu: Zam-zam Restaurant. I only have the picture of the food and the receipt. Mamak tu yang suggest this: Two plates of briyani and one ayam masala - costs $7.50. Take two sets and split between four people. Including drinks that's $5.10 pro Person. See the teh ais? Besar gila gelas, rase macam orang Arab. Yeah their portions are big. They have a lot more to offer: Murtabak kambing lembu biri-biri rusa goreng-goreng pun ada, but at some points in life you do not think and you do not care what you stuff into your throats as long as you can satisfy your bodily need for replenishment and shut your fears of starvation up.

There's the Sultan Mosque nearby, and Arab Street is where you shop for kain ela. Bargain hard, please. Nearby is also the Haji Lane: a place selling all things vintage and quirky. You will want to shop here, but save some money for the souvenirs, I know a place you can get them cheaper.