So, We Don't Fly. Yet

Flight is postponed until August. And let's pray this H1N1 pandemic does not get worse, or we might have to forget going to Germany altogether.

We have to start class again, at least for another six weeks.

I always wonder, why is it that my problems always come in a heap? Why don't they come one at a time, so that I can settle it nice and proper?

Hai.

• Saya alergic telur. Bila makan telur muke saya jadi gini:

• Mase kat kantin, saye ade crush kat sorg budak ni:

• Cute kan dia? Tengok tangan dia. Mak dia panggil dia Baby. Saye pon ;)

• Baby juge sorg yg sgt rajin.

• Saye sgt bangga dengannya.

Crushed Again

Semalam Rado kata,

Intan, kamu nggak mau kan kalau aku sendirian?

Su-weet.

KBA - Kantin Bapak Aku

Hari ini Isnin. Hari sekolah pertama Penggal 2. Dan secara kebetulan, I ade kat rumah. Sebab I kan masih lagi menanti buah mata kucing kat rumah I masak.
Bapak I call pagi-pagi lagi. Suro pegi kantin, arini ramai orang tak datang katanye. Adoiyai. I pun guling-guling laa masuk bilik air nk mandi. Tengok kat cermin, huh, muke goldfish macam ni:



Mata bengkak abis. Nasib baik kantin sekolah rendah je. Ngee

Sampai-sampai da kena potong timun untuk nasi lemak (yang I perah santannya smlm. Hehe. Nak cakap jugak). Depa kata timun tu potong empat. I pun kompiden laa potong empat, mcm kat bwh ni:



Huh lunyai timun tu I kejekan. Tibe-tibe. Anak mak busuku datang dan sound I, dia kata I salah potong. Ohh rupanya kena potong serong. Okey okey. Ehh. Tapi camne? Si Echa pun ajar. Budak tu baru Form 1. Heh. Sengih je laa. Dia kata jugak,

"Suma yang kau silap potong tu kau makan eh?"

Sabauuuu.

Pastu 10.15, rehat. Budak-budak ni panggil I makcik. H*wau punye budak-budak. 18 kali I tegur : "Akak laa!"
5 saat kemudian dia panggil makcik lagi.

Yes true, I love kids, and they love me (I think). Tee hee. Aber wenn sie viel, laut und hungrig sind...

Better I don't have anything to do with them. *loud sigh*

Lepas rehat, Mak Busuku iaitu ketua tukang masak merangkap Taiche KBA telah menyuruh I menyapu lantai. I pun pegi dengan macho sekali.

Dah separuh kantin gua sapu, gua da start minta ampun pada Allah S.W.T. banyak-banyak dalam hati, sebab gua rasa gua bole jato pengsan sambil menyapu tu. Penat weyhh. Gilalah. Bayangkan perasaan kite bukak posa, teguk air yang pertama. Sejuk, dingin, nyaman. Terasa air mengalir ke perut. Nikmat gila? Rase mcm dunia ini sungguh indah, kan? Haa. Macam tu laa gua rasa lepas siap gua menyapu.

Pastu gua buat apetah gua lupa suda.

Tapi gua ingat gua kena basuh longkang. Huh. Kalau kat Sungai Udang, tiga tahun sekali pun tak tentu lagi gua nak basuh longkang. Haha. Takpe. Besok gua ponteng aa. XD

Gua load gambar gua basuh longkang.

Oh ye. Ade plak cikgu-cikgi yang kerek ngn gua. Apehal kak. Rilek suda laa. Tau aa gua chun byk. Takyah jeles, accept the fact. Ahaha.

Ok bye. Gua kena buat donut.

A Piece of Red Thread

She walked with confident strides into the room, posture straight, chin high, steps firm and confident, all the while maintaining a friendly face. At the nearest vacant seat, she sat herself down, nodding agreeably to the person next to her. And she made a fuss over her things, arranging her file and notebook on the tiny table. Then only she turned to her neighbor and smiled cordially at her. Handshakes are exchanged, and they started to tell about themselves. She answered questions carefully, never giving more information than what was asked. It is her own private principle.

Then she looked about the room, at the other nine or so people who were there. She smiled at those who caught her eye. But she still kept guard. She had decided to let others not see her real personality. She wanted people to think that she is a no-nonsense, intelligent girl, but at the same time friendly and cordial. And by this time, she was confident enough that she had achieved her goal.

At that precise moment, the girl next to her neighbor pointed to her left shoe. A piece of red thread, obvious even at quite a distance, is stuck to her black shoe heel. She bent down and slowly removed it. It really looked quite ridiculous. All this while, people must have been laughing at her, whispering behind their hands and pointing at the thread. Her image is ruined, all because of a piece of red thread. And her newly-erected wall of self-esteem crumbled again.

To see a world in a grain of sand, and heaven in a wild flower, hold infinity in the palm of your hand, and eternity in an hour.

It is amazing, that when you have so little time, you begin to appreciate everything. And when you stop to think about something, you ca see good in everything.

I Try to Get Rid of It But I Could Not.

My emak. Dia telah sabotajku pagi ini, dengan menyuruhku membawa durian naik bas dari Melaka ke KL untuk adik beradikku yang ada di sana. Nasib baik daku bukan berasal dari Perlis, dan kakak-kakakku tidak tinggal di Johor.
Durian itu dia keluarkan isinya dan letak di dalam balang Choclairs yang memang banyak ada di rumah. Kemudian dia dengan penuh gaya meletakkan balang itu di dalam beg plastik Roxy yang dia jumpa dalam bilik. Adoiyai emakku.
Oleh kerana awal-awal lagi daku dah pening dengan bau durian, daku pun keluarkan balang berisi isi durian tersebut. Kubalut kemas-kemas dengan kertas suratkhabar lama banyak-banyak. Kemudian ku cari-cari selotep. Mane selotep ni. Makku suruh cari di meja komputer. Tak ada. Aishh. Stapler pun jadilah.
Daku pun mengetip-ngetip balutan suratkhabar itu kat mana-mana yang boleh. Jadilah. Memang menjadi lumrahku membuat kerja cincai. Kasihan kepada anak-anak muridku dan anak-anakku besok. Lepas itu daku letak bungkusan dalam plastik Tesco pulak, dan kuikat lagi kuat-kuat biar tiada bau waima sedikit pun di hujung-hujung hidung, yang boleh lepas keluar.
Kubawa juga durian ke KL naik bas Jebat yang cuma ada 8 orang penumpang, sambil membaca buku John Grisham. Double the Pening.
Tapi emak sudah suruh, apa mau buat.



Alahai emak, jangan kahwinkan aku.

He!

I have a huge ego. Once I refused to accept apology from a friend for no reason at all. To apologise myself, mmg very far away lah kan.
So when i say sorry, meaning I'm feeling very guilty I couldn't get it out of my head and I simply gotta say sorry. If u are too dumb to see that, then you're simply dense. Go mkn kismis or take some leticin or however u spell that. Go stuff your head in the wastebasket because I'm not going to satisfy you by being apologetic or sad or ape2lah just because you don't want to accept what I said, which is, by the way, very true.

This ego of mine applies only for quite serious circumstances lah. If I accidentally stepped on your foot and said sorry it's a totally diff thing ok?

Emo siot blog aku ni. Ahaha. Have a good day.

P/S: My title is cute, na? Ehe. Pinjam kat orang. =)

I Swear Upon My Black Eyeliners

that I will make it to Germany this year.

By the way, I'm quite under pressure. My lecturer keeps on saying:

"Sekarang dah ada yang hampir lawan Izzati"

"Hari ni Izzati pun banyak salah"

"Lain kali jangan bagi Izzati menang"

Although she said it mainly to motivate the others, I couldn't help feeling like an outcast. Nobody likes me. =(

But the most touching:

"One can also fail exams, you know. Especially when they think they're so clever."

She said it when after giving back a corrected letter I wrote. Of course I do mistakes. Who could write a perfect letter? Maybe after a few corrections, yes. Plus I like to experiment with words when I do exercises. Of course I use it wrongly sometimes.

But I do admit that I did quite a lot of careless, grammatical errors. But I have Attention Deficit Disorder. My attention tends to ebb away after a short while. I need to to meditate, maybe? Or even do yoga. Bole kurus. Hee.

Why oh Whyyy. Part 2

I lost my only pair of Nike running shoes yesterday. Frustation. I've never lost anything that are worth more than RM100 before, so when I noticed my shoes are stolen I was quite devastated. It wasn't a case of carelessness too. Yesterday when I came back, I left my shoes outside the door, but inside the steel gate. This morning, when I was getting out of the house I noticed they are missing. I called my sister to ask, but she said she never saw my shoes before the door when she came back from work. This means that they are already gone since yesterday afternoon.The thief was very bold so as to reach in and take the shoes when I was inside. I wasn't asleep but I heard nothing, too. What bugs me is that I've already had an instinct, saying my shoes will go missing if I left them where they are. But I didn't succumb to the feeling, like we normal human always did. Only when they were gone did I regret not doing what my heart told me to.

I made up a list of what I want to have before I fly off. While I was making mental notes on what to buy, I thought about a few acquaintances who I felt were stupid. As follows:

Dialog 1

He: Hey, I lost my glasses.
Me: Really? Where did you last see it?
He: In my hotel room, I think. On the bedside table.
Me: Ow. Nothing you can do, then. Unless you wanted to go back and fetch it again.
He: Nevermind.
Me: Can you see?
He: Yes I can. Those aren't powered lenses. But they have this really high UV protection.
Me: Really? Who told you?
He: The salesperson, of course.
Me: How much is high?
He: I don't know. They say the glasses have high UV protection. Protects your eyes, you know, from the sun. So I bought it. To protect my eyes.

I just looked away.

Dialog 2

My phone rang. It was this person.
He: Hey, I'm at an accessories shop. I wanted to buy this crystal bracelet. Should I buy it? It costs RM25.
Me: Why ask me? It's your money.
He: Of course I wanted to ask you. This salesgirl said it would help me manage my anger. You know, if I'm less angry at you, it would be better for both of us.
Me: Have you tested it? Try holding the beads in you fist. Do you feel anything?
He: What should I feel?
Me: They say to test if a crystal is genuine, you will have a prickly feeling in your hands when you hold them.
He: Really? I don't know. I might feel something.
Me: Don't move it around in your hands. Just hold it.
He: I think I am feeling something.
Me: Don't THINK. Feel.
He: Yes. I think I feel it. So. Should I buy this?
Me: Listen to me. If you wanted to buy that thing, just buy. Don't ask me because you're always gonna blame me later.
He: No, I won't blame you!
Me: Okay fine. Whatever. But it's better if you don't buy. You haven't got a lot of money now, right?
He: Yeah. But wouldn't it be good if I buy this?
Me: I don't even believe if the thing works.
He: (asking the salesgirl) Kakak, do this thing work?
Of course the kakak said yes.
He: She said it does work!
Me: Ok fine. If you want to buy, then buy.
He: I buy, okay?
Me: Fine, fine. Buy.
Call ended.

A few days later, we fought. Like Chun Li and Jet Li. Ha Ha. Only I was Chun Li when she ran out of energy. During which the bracelet snaps and the beads run all over the floor. He threw what was left on his hand to my face, saying:

He: This is the bracelet you told me to buy!

I TOLD him to buy? I told him to? Idiot. He wanted to buy that thing himself!

Me: I told you this stupid thing won't work.

He fell silent.

Why do people fell victim to the lies of salespeople?
They wanted to SELL, for God's sake. Of course they tell you all the sweet things.

My Day.

I heard all of the French students passed their B2 DeLF exams. Congratulations. You'll all go to France.

This is the complete opposite of Schadenfreude. I wonder if I am doing the right thing. Lately I don't want to be alone. Fear and remorse haunt my mind. With nowhere else to run I am forced to remain. Years will pass by before I am able to forget my failures. What I have done wrong. What I have chosen. What forced me to make those false choices. What I could've done. Where I could've been.

What makes me go on is the thought that I will be fine. Things will gonna be OK. Although I don't believe it enough pun sebenarnya.

Enough. Let's talk about happier things! Though I should be happy or not, I don't know... ;)

I am back at my sisters' again today. It was hot on the way to and back from the train station. So I went and took the short way that goes through the compound of the condo opposite my sisters'. The condo's management, however, have installed this new security system that requires residents to bring a freaking access card even when they are only going to 7-Eleven 143 steps away. Plus they employed newly-arrived guards from Nepal (well, they look like Nepalese) who speak only mumbling English, few Malay and of course, their own mother tongue. I'm not a good writer - I couldn't describe the way they talk, but you can imagine.

And so. I climbed a small staircase and arrived at the small pedestrian gate. I waited, because I don't want to address the guards directly - it is THEIR job to notice if somebody is standing outside the gate. Plus I already saw that the is gate closed when I was at the foot of the stairs, and I stamped my feet all my way up so I can have their ready attention upon my arrival. But they failed to do so. I mean, they aren't doing anything anyway. Which brings me to wonder, what do guards do while they are guarding? Swiss guards, Buckingham palace guards, yes, they can pretend to stand guard while having their pictures taken by tourists. But here? Do they read comics? Or maybe solve maths questions? I think they are just hovering around, looking at us closely, pretending to do their jobs while actually checking us out. (Not that I say I'm worth checking out lah. Tee hee hee.)

Well, back to the story. I waited for about ten seconds (tgh panas ni ok) then only the guard turns to me. The story goes as follows:

Guard (looking at me dumbly): Access card?
Me: Oh. U need access card now? I have none. So this mean I couldn't go this way?
Guard: Ok, ok, no problem. Why no access card? Blok mana?
Me: I'm actually from Bayu 1.
Guard: Oh, Bayu 1, no problem. Tulis dulu.
Me: Tulis apa? (with a leceh-betul-la-korang-ni face)
Guard: Ok, ok, tak tulis, no problem.

He beeps the gate open. I went in. Suddenly-

Guard: You Punjabi? (at least dats what I think he's saying)

Still. Punjabi? Waddeheck?
But I answered him anyway.

Me: No, I'm Malay.
Guard: Malay? Not Punjabi?
Me: No. (half-smile, half grimace)
Guard: jkdgfsbvvnumccmewnebwguwbwjbvwdlcndjff.
Me: OK. (nodding with same expression etched on my face) Thank you.

And I walked away.

I'm told I have traces of Arabic features on my face. Now I know they were all DEAD wrong. I actually look like a Punjab.

What a bright, sunny day.

*DeLF B2 is equal to German Mittelstufe 2. Though now we call M2, B2 jugak. The exam I'll be taking this May is B1 = Zertifikat Deutsch. Kacang botoi? Ha ha. Dulu pernah jgk tak pas.

Dulu Comel, Sekarang Comot

1. Ketika tadika, saya seringkali lambat ke kelas kerana bangun lambat. Walaupun kata pepatah sering menyatakan bahawa "lenturlah buluh biar dari rebungnya" tapi saya telah pun menjadi buluh yang liat sejak saya masih rebung lagi. Tadika akan bermula pukul 8 pagi. Emak saya yang ketika itu mengajar di SK Green Road, Kuching, Sarawak (kelas sesi petang) akan mengangkat saya masuk ke dalam bilik air untuk membangunkan saya. Saya sangatlah degil.
2. Sesungguhnya ustazah yang mengajar saya di Tadika Az-Zahrah, Kem Penrissen, Kuching, Sarawak telah pun fed-up dengan perangai saya ketika itu. Pada suatu hari, saya lambat seperti biasa. Pukul 9 pagi barulah saya sampai di tadika yang terletak di hujung kawasan perumahan kami. Saya pun mengetuk pintu dengan macho. "Assalamualaikum~!" kata saya. Seketika saya menunggu jawapan ustazah yang telah saya lupakan namanya. Sekejapan itu saya terdengar: "Dah pukul 9 dahh!!" kata ustazah saya. Saya terkejut. Dengan hati yang lara saya pun pergi lah balik ke rumah. Sepanjang jalan saya menangis.
3. Bila sampai di rumah emak saya pun bertanya dengan garang. "Kenapa balik ni?" Saya pun menjawab dengan berkata: "Ustazah tak bagi masuk!" Lepas itu saya pun masuk ke bilik dan sambung tido.
4. Besok harinya, saya tidak lagi pergi ke tadika. Saya happy je, walaupun tak dapat sijil graduasi tadika, dan tidak dapat ambil gambar dengan topi yang ala-ala topi degree itu, saya dah lupa namanya. Lagipun saya dah pun pandai membaca dan menulis sejak umur saya 5 tahun. Emak saya yang ajar dengan cara menulis suku kata di dinding.
5. Dua hari kemudian ustazah saya pun datang ke rumah kerana risau saya ponteng. Saya yang pergi buka pintu. Bila saya nampak sahaja ustazah saya, saya terus berlari dengan pantas ke dalam bilik. Bahu saya terlanggar dinding, namun saya tahan juga kesakitannya demi dapat melarikan diri. Saya bertindak tangkas, mengunci pintu dan melompat ke atas katil. Seketika kemudian terdengar jeritan emak saya. "Zatii, nak tadika lagi tak?" katanya. Saya pun apa lagi, seperti orang mengantuk disorongkan bantal lah. Segera saya menyahut; "Tak nakk!"
6. Bermula itu saya pun tidak lagi pergi ke tadika.

Why oh Whyyy.

I am currently undergoing a really frustating phase. I need an escape route. I need to tell someone whatever crossed into my mind at that precise moment. I couldn't stop myself. I am embarassed at times but I simply don't stop myself. I tried writing in a diary but since I am lazier than ever before, I couldn't write longer than 5 minutes.

I have a housemate named N. I tell her everything. I didn't listen to anybody, I just want ppl to listen to me. Geez. Bengang sendiri.

The Indicator of the Closeness to Reality

Wenn ich nicht ich wäre
wäre ich nicht hier.

If a teacher were a student, he / she would also day-dream in class.

Good. This shows I understand the subjunctive. But subjunctive as an indicator of the closeness to reality? No. It merely is a way to express wishes while showing the world that you know it is only a wish.
It is also used hypothetically. I can imagine, too, a mechanics question with lots of wäre and würde.

I can imagine, too, a diary entry.

Ramdomeness

I have absolutely nothing to write about today. Usually I have at least one little point to write about, but today I am taking my chances. Because I find other people (not you, of course) just yap away at their blogs posting entries with no relevant contents whatsoever, and they're not ashamed of it. So I am going to try one post and see if I don't delete it in the near future.

1. Can we wash clothes using seawater? Will it dry stiff? Is it enough? We know that there are minerals in it, will it then corrode the material? What if you live on boats? Do you have to turn back to shore every week to pick the laundry up?
2. Last week in German class, we were asked to draw our dream home. And I drew what crossed first into my mind, a cute cottage with four legs. It can move, OK. But mind you, I don't have imagination so rich, I took the idea from an Enid Blyton story. You know, the storybooks you can buy for RM9.90. But price has gone up, they cost RM12.90 now.
3. Afterwards we were asked to stand in front of the class and promote our houses to others, and make them rent it. Dammit. Dahlaa aku mengarut. Anyways. Being the cool person that I am, I went and told them about my house. I even threw in a Navigator (so the sleeping inhabitants wouldn't get lost when the house wanders about) and a balancing system from Ferrari (so your things doesn't get thrown about inside). And I gave a special offer, too, ein einmaliges Angebot at RM50 per month for rent.
4. Believe it or not, nobody wants to rent my house. The idiots. One would think they'd scramble for the offer. Imagine spending nothing for fuel!
5. But maybe because I kutuked their houses before. Heh. Karma is so true.
6. Once I called my classmates an 'Affe', the other time 'geil' in front of my German lecturer (she just laughed until her face turned all red) and my friends were too lazy to open a dictionary at that time. So I managed to get away and they could do nothing but stare at me reproachfully. Sorry, mates. Tee hee hee.
7. I always want new clothes. I couldn't stop myself. Well, I could, when I have no more money laa of course.
8. People used to call me 'gemuk', 'tembam', 'chubby', 'debab' etc. No point telling me now that I'm not because it got to me already. Anyway. Sometimes in front of the mirror I believe that these people are stupid. Ha ha. I know anyway that I'm not that fat, but on me there's still some excess baggage. So let me jog. And pray that I'll be kurus. ;)

Enough crap already. Hey, suprisingly, this satisfies me. Ba ha ha!

Today

I decided to tukar. My eldest daughter will be the bibik, and the bibik will be my daughter. So that my youngest son could be with my former daughter, no sumbang mahrams included. I will tell them this later.