Nowadays scrolling down the Facebook homepage can lead to emotional distress. I saw a senior in school being congratulated for her solo exhibition at an art gallery. A friend who shared desks with me at school set up her own company and is reaping the profits. The others are working, gaining recognition, are proudly displaying their offspring. Hahaha. That is an achievement of its own, okay? Watching schoolmates, old friends and acquaintances building their dreams and being successful at it makes me feel so hopeless in my own endless struggle. Of course, less people post about their failures so I can feel a tiny wee bit superior. They share happy moments which of course, warmed a part of my heart when I see it -
Well famous quotes are right, all that seizing the day stuff - you live the moment, hakuna matata, carpe diem. Sebab if you want to do a thing, find time to do it now, squeeze it into your schedules, sbb nanti in future you would regret not doing it.
But at the same time, that quote 'things happen for a reason' is also true. My faith even depends on believing it. Even knowing this I need to whine once in a while. Duh
I went to KUSESS for a one-week visit. Observed German language classes, luckily the students' socks didn't smell that bad. And their mistakes were so damn funny. I must exercise care not to laugh at my future student's mistakes. Anyway. I had a micro-teaching session and my heart dropped at the prospect of me failing miserably as a teacher.
I thought my methods are good enough, my exercises good enough, explanations clear enough. Though fairly speaking, it was my first time taking the role of a teacher, and there's always that infinite room for improvement. But delivering the things you learnt theoretically and making sure other real, living people with different psychological traits and learning styles are gaining from it is a big deal weh. I explained a bit of grammar, turned away from the white board and was met with blank faces. My brain was whirring hysterically with 'what do I do now?' Those were my friends I was teaching, whose German language abilities matches mine. What about schoolkids? Form 1 students who wasn't even sure why they were sitting there in the first place?
I heard from another fellow who was doing his practical, that he lost interest in the job after a month. There's this big looming shadow that's waiting to engulf me in the same dark state...
Anyway. One thing that's sure to motivate me is the need to see that what I started will gain compliments. hahaha. I'm vain. I want to be recognized for my efforts. I want people to tell me I did a good job, to feel that satisfaction when my teachlings (? too lazy to think of a better word) are able to function by themselves. So I must teach them well. If they don't want to learn, I'll put them in a headlock and force them to swallow things whole. There's no escaping the fact that most of the teachers themselves are responsible for failures in the syllabus / programs / curricula / visions missions and stuff. Not many are ready to change from their usual norms.
Of course, I'm young, hot-blooded and motivated, almost roaringly waiting at the starting line. Let's pray that I'll be forever young, hot-blooded and motivated for the rest of my teaching career. However long that lasts. Hey, I want to be rich too...
