For the Sake of Updating

I wrote this entry.

Today I bought a new pair of shoes. Tomorrow we have to shoot a short film. Yesterday I ate a beef lasagna.

Sabotaged Episodes

1. I used to work at a bowling alley once. This girl who works one shift with me are jealous because more people pay attention to me than to her. She's ugly, by the way.
   So she told stories about me to my other colleagues behind my back. And it was not until about one month later somebody asked me: "Why does she hate you so much?"
   And I could only blink back at her in suprise, because I have completely no idea that she despises me. Such a two-faced tray (talam dua muka).
   
   
2. Back when I was in Form 3 I wasn't such a prominent figure like I am today.*
   I was a prefect, yes, and that was it. One fateful Monday, however, a warden called me to a classroom full of sixth-formers. In front of the class, the following happened:
   
   Pn. XXX: Budak-budak asrama ada makan durian tak semalam?
   Saya: Ada.
   Pn XXX: Kenapa awak semua buang kulit2 durian tu dekat koridor kelas?
   Saya: Eh, iye ke? Saya tak tahu. Saya tak makan pun.
   Pn. XXX: Masa ni la awak nk ngaku awk x mkn. Awak jgn nk tipu saya. Berani awk ye?
   Saya: Eh betul, Pn XXX, sy mmg tak mkn durian langsung. Kat rumah pun x mkn.
   Pn. XXX: Tak payah tipu saya. Ada org bgtau saya, dia nampak awk makan durian tu semalam. Dia bagitahu lagi, awak yang suruh buang kulit durian tu dekat tong sampah luar kelas. Pandai2 je awak?
   Saya: Sumpah saya tak makan. Saya x tahu pun diorg ade makan durian kat kelas smlm. Saya egt kat asrama. Sy mmg x mkn durian, nnt sy pening n muntah2.
   Pn. XXX: Saya tak percaya awak. Kenapa awk tipu? Awk dgr sini. Nnt awk pegi kutip kulit durian tu semua sampai bersih, pegi buang. Lepas tu awk balik kelas. Pegi sekarang!
   Saya: Baik.
   
   I left, and I cried on the way back. It was actually still OK to be scolded, though out loud and in front of a classroomful of older girls. Only the thing that hurts so much is that she won't believe me at all.
   
   
3. I went shopping today, and I wanted to buy the long shirt with kain pelekat patterns, like all the girls (in Malaysia at least) are wearing these days. I nearly bought one at Jaspal, but the better part of my mind got me so I didn't. I went then to Jusco to look for cheaper ones. And I found them waiting impatiently for me on racks, so I grabbed a few and went to the fitting rooms.
   Pitiful results await me, however. The shirts are cut straight with no darts like usual shirts do. You know, xde pinggang. And on me, they look like real kain pelekat yang dibalut-balut ke pokok. Tak cantek langsung.
   I am sabotaged by the Malaysian fashion industry. Why do they introduce trends that may only be worn by stick-thin girls? UNFAIR!!

*TIPU - sama je dulu noob, skrg pun noob

So, We Don't Fly. Yet

Flight is postponed until August. And let's pray this H1N1 pandemic does not get worse, or we might have to forget going to Germany altogether.

We have to start class again, at least for another six weeks.

I always wonder, why is it that my problems always come in a heap? Why don't they come one at a time, so that I can settle it nice and proper?

Hai.

• Saya alergic telur. Bila makan telur muke saya jadi gini:

• Mase kat kantin, saye ade crush kat sorg budak ni:

• Cute kan dia? Tengok tangan dia. Mak dia panggil dia Baby. Saye pon ;)

• Baby juge sorg yg sgt rajin.

• Saye sgt bangga dengannya.

Five Days and Bluetooth

Monday saw her cursing her way up the stairs. Her first day at college is a lot more packed than what she had in mind. Plus, the fact that she could never get her bearings right didn’t help. She got lost in the college compound today, twice. Not counting the one time when she could not find the lift to go down the main administration building. And now she is already running late to catch the train. In a few minutes the rush hour starts, and she does not want to get stuck in it.

Too late. People are already queuing. She let out an audible sigh. To be stuck inside a train with people jostling about for half an hour is unimaginable. Not to mention the awful mixed smell of end-of-day perfume and sweat. Yuk. There was no other option. If she called a cab, meaning she is burning a hole in her own pocket. The fare meter in the taxi must be whooping with joy the moment she got in. The roads, too, must be overwhelmed with cars. She called her mother and informed her of her late return today.

Without thinking, she moved towards the very end of the station and sat down on the ceramic-tiled floor. It was a relief to be away from all those smelly people. She pulled out a novel she is currently reading, and in a few minutes was lost in the plot. She took breaks once in a while only to sip some water from a bottle of mineral water she bought.

The steady flow of people still did not thin down even half an hour later, but she was still determined to wait. Her back was already stiff, thus she stretched. Her gaze then falls on the platform opposite her. A boy was sitting there, at the exact opposite place where she was sitting. But he was not reading. He was sitting there, with a very bored expression etched on his face; it was almost painful to watch. His bag was laying there next to him, and from the looks of it, it looked like he had thrown it unceremoniously onto the floor.

She almost smiled at the expression on his face, but bent down quickly towards her book. Anyway, it couldn’t be helped. More than once she stole a glance or two at the boy. He was half-sitting, half-lazing down there, magnificently bored, a little bit disgusted, and his frowning eyes never looked away from the queuing people. He had hair falling into his eyes, and he pushed them away impatiently with his fingers. His feet were tapping away to some rhythm. She adjusted herself a tiny bit to the right, and saw that he had his earphones on.

Sensing the small movement, he turned his head and looked right at her. She nearly freaked out. Quickly she pretended to resume reading. After exactly two and a half minutes later she looked up, pretending to have a drink and in a split second regretted her action. She could then see that she is now the main object of his scrutiny.

The water bottle shivered a little in her hands. ‘You are being stupid,’ she told herself. Never before she had ever experienced this state of nervousness under the gaze of a stranger. Was it also due to the fact that he is quite good-looking in his own way? Could it be ... She sighed. ‘No,’ she told herself firmly. She had long before given up hopes on getting a boyfriend. Her friends told her she is a bit too choosy. But for her, some characteristics are not wrong. A person always wanted the best for himself.

She tore her gaze away from the book she was pretending to read and looked towards the waiting people. It was nearly six. With relief, she saw that the lines are thinner. Getting up, she brushed her trousers and saw in the corner of her eyes that the boy was doing the same. As fast as she can without attracting attention, she hid herself in the crowd. And not one minute later the train arrived.

On Tuesday, she was earlier. She sat down on the waiting bench, and threw a look at the place the boy was sitting yesterday. He was not there. A little bit disappointed, a little bit relieved, she scanned the platform opposite. And saw him looking directly at her, earphones on, leaning against a pillar.

Quickly she averted her eyes. Her heart started hammering and she fumbled in her pockets for her cell. His gaze was still there, looming on her. Braving herself, she lifted her chin and stole a look. There, he quickly looked away. She bit her lips to prevent from smiling.

All too soon the train arrived. She got up, slung her bag over her shoulder and got in, turning her back towards the platform opposite.

Wednesday rained heavily. Her brother had promised to pick her up from college, but called to cancel as soon as the rain started to pour. It was useless, really, seeing as her brother only rides a motorcycle to work. Let him be wet, she preferred the dryness of the trains.

Brushing the water away from her clothes, she tried as casually as possible to look for the boy. It was beginning to be a habit; he was already part of her daily routine. But alas, today he was nowhere to be found. She sat herself on the bench, feeling as gloomy as the rain. Unconsciously she took out her cell, merely looked at it and kept it away again. She had been there not thirty seconds, but she had already started cursing the rail company for having very slow trains which are altogether not enough to ensure that the increasing number of passengers every day may travel in comfort. She got annoyed at the person standing in front of her, who is blocking her view from the platform aisle opposite. More than once she huffed irritably, all the while tapping her foot impatiently.

A lightning flashed, and then a loud thunder stroke and she jumped a little. She looked at the heavy rain pouring cats and dogs, and suddenly had to hide a smile at imagining cats and dogs falling from the sky. Then she nearly knocked herself on the head for the sudden mood change, but at the last moment caught herself. It will not do to be seen doing crazy things in public. She turned away. Almost at the same moment she saw him, his hair wet, climbing the last stair step.

Her heart jumped from joy. Why is it such a pleasure to see him, she was not sure. He pushed his sloppy hair impatiently from his forehead, looked at his watch, and then turned to look right at her. She was petrified, their gazes locked. And unexpectedly, he smiled at her.

She nearly melted in the sweet warmth of the smile, all on a cold, rainy afternoon.

The train arrived. She automatically got up, went aboard, then sat at the nearest available seat in the train. All the way back she cursed herself repeatedly for not returning his smile.

Then it was Thursday, and she was a determined girl. She is going to smile back at him today. Or she is going to smile at him, whatever comes first. She skipped the last stair step with a flourish and hopefully scanned the opposite platform. He was not there. Never mind, never mind, she will sit there at her usual bench and wait. So she sat, and waited.

Her train arrived, and she looked at it blankly. Of all the days, it came early today. She made then to get up, but stopped herself just in time. He would not know if she let a train pass while waiting for him. People looked at her curiously, and she glared back at them, daring them to ask why she did not get on board. And the train went, leaving her view of the opposite platform free. He was still not there.

She looked at her watch. Thirty minutes before the rush hour. He should be here by now. Sighing, she took out her novel and began to read, but caught herself reading the same line a few times. She got up and leaned against a pillar, where she can see the stairs on his side of platform. Her mind told her it was stupid to wait for him this way. ‘You do not even know him,’ it said. ‘It is useless. Maybe he went back already,’ it said again. She bit her lips. It is up to her to decide. ‘No, wait, I know he is not here yet,’ her heart protested. Her mind started to scream back. Willing the voices to go away, she shook her head vigorously and ignored a girl standing next to her, who jumped a little at her sudden act.

The next train arrived, and she slowly walked in, though not without a little doubt. The doors were already closing when she saw him running up the stairs. She raised her hand, her mouth already half-opened to call him when she realized that she did not even know his name. But then she saw his disappointed face scanning the insides of the train, and thus waved her hand energetically at him. He saw it. And his face broke into a smile. She grinned back, flowers blooming in her chest. The inconsiderate train started to move and still they grinned at each other.

Friday left her in a doubt. What time will he be going back today? In the middle of the day, or will he wait until afternoon? She walked slowly towards the station after class. It was a really sunny midday, and the heat was almost unbearable. She regretted not bringing an umbrella. But she is really thinking about the boy. What is it that was so special about him? Isn’t he just an unimportant passer-by in her long stretch of life? Who is he actually? A student, maybe, but where? Is there another college in the vicinity?

Honk!

The car horn startled her, waking her up from her thinking. She had nearly crossed the road without looking right and left, her left foot already leaving the curb. Her hand flew to her chest in relief. ‘Always what you have when you got boys on your mind – danger,’ her heart told her. More carefully, she made her way towards the station.

Like every other day, her eyes scanned the area for him. And today they did not disappoint her. He is there, leaning against a pillar, already smiling at her. She smiled back, suddenly turning red and cursing herself for that. He took out his cell and waved it at her. She stared at him, completely clueless. Her expression made him stifle a laugh, and she saw that. Promptly she composed herself, and took out her cell, too, without knowing exactly why she did that. But the boy seemed satisfied. He mouthed something at her. What? She shook her head. He mouthed something again, this time more slowly, and she chuckled at his funny face. He waited. She did nothing. He mouthed something again. She got annoyed.

“If I could read lips, I would have been a secret agent by now!” She said, out loud. A few people sniggered. The boy merely smiled. She had a feeling he could not hear what she said.

True. He started pointing at his cell, his shirt, then at his mouth, grinning all the time. She was more than baffled. He pointed again at those three things. She frowned in concentration. What could he mean by his cell? I have my cell, but I don’t have his number. Okay, maybe something to do with cells. The shirt. What brand is his shirt? Oh, I couldn’t see from here. It is white with baby blue stripes. Wow, the color really suited his fair skin. No, no, don’t get distracted. And the mouth? What do people do with a mouth? Eat? Smile? Bite? Kiss?

The trains arrived, first at her side, then at his. Both ignored them, waiting impatiently for the trains to pass.

The moment the coast was clear, she shook her head at him in frustration. He scratched his head, then shrugged. He started pointing at his shirt again, this time mouthing something afterwards. Something ‘U’.

U? Woo? Du? Blue? Yes! Blue! His shirt is blue, so that explains it. She nodded excitedly. He maintained his cool. Then he pointed to his grin. Grin. Smile. Teeth, maybe? She showed him her teeth, feeling stupid all the way. But he nodded and grinned, then waved his cell again. Ok, next. Now what does the color blue, teeth, and cells have in common?

Her brain is practically whirring.

Bluetooth?

She nearly screamed from her excitement. He was nodding his head, also thrilled. She quickly turned on the Bluetooth device on her cell, and then looked at him.

He was sending her a file, and she approved the transfer.

A cartoon picture of girl waiting at a train station, then the screen turned black, and numbers flashed across the screen. His phone number.

She texted him. ‘Got it,’ she said.

He replied. ‘Took u quite long there. J’

She laughed out loud, and suddenly did not want to go home.

Crushed Again

Semalam Rado kata,

Intan, kamu nggak mau kan kalau aku sendirian?

Su-weet.

KBA - Kantin Bapak Aku

Hari ini Isnin. Hari sekolah pertama Penggal 2. Dan secara kebetulan, I ade kat rumah. Sebab I kan masih lagi menanti buah mata kucing kat rumah I masak.
Bapak I call pagi-pagi lagi. Suro pegi kantin, arini ramai orang tak datang katanye. Adoiyai. I pun guling-guling laa masuk bilik air nk mandi. Tengok kat cermin, huh, muke goldfish macam ni:



Mata bengkak abis. Nasib baik kantin sekolah rendah je. Ngee

Sampai-sampai da kena potong timun untuk nasi lemak (yang I perah santannya smlm. Hehe. Nak cakap jugak). Depa kata timun tu potong empat. I pun kompiden laa potong empat, mcm kat bwh ni:



Huh lunyai timun tu I kejekan. Tibe-tibe. Anak mak busuku datang dan sound I, dia kata I salah potong. Ohh rupanya kena potong serong. Okey okey. Ehh. Tapi camne? Si Echa pun ajar. Budak tu baru Form 1. Heh. Sengih je laa. Dia kata jugak,

"Suma yang kau silap potong tu kau makan eh?"

Sabauuuu.

Pastu 10.15, rehat. Budak-budak ni panggil I makcik. H*wau punye budak-budak. 18 kali I tegur : "Akak laa!"
5 saat kemudian dia panggil makcik lagi.

Yes true, I love kids, and they love me (I think). Tee hee. Aber wenn sie viel, laut und hungrig sind...

Better I don't have anything to do with them. *loud sigh*

Lepas rehat, Mak Busuku iaitu ketua tukang masak merangkap Taiche KBA telah menyuruh I menyapu lantai. I pun pegi dengan macho sekali.

Dah separuh kantin gua sapu, gua da start minta ampun pada Allah S.W.T. banyak-banyak dalam hati, sebab gua rasa gua bole jato pengsan sambil menyapu tu. Penat weyhh. Gilalah. Bayangkan perasaan kite bukak posa, teguk air yang pertama. Sejuk, dingin, nyaman. Terasa air mengalir ke perut. Nikmat gila? Rase mcm dunia ini sungguh indah, kan? Haa. Macam tu laa gua rasa lepas siap gua menyapu.

Pastu gua buat apetah gua lupa suda.

Tapi gua ingat gua kena basuh longkang. Huh. Kalau kat Sungai Udang, tiga tahun sekali pun tak tentu lagi gua nak basuh longkang. Haha. Takpe. Besok gua ponteng aa. XD

Gua load gambar gua basuh longkang.

Oh ye. Ade plak cikgu-cikgi yang kerek ngn gua. Apehal kak. Rilek suda laa. Tau aa gua chun byk. Takyah jeles, accept the fact. Ahaha.

Ok bye. Gua kena buat donut.

A Piece of Red Thread

She walked with confident strides into the room, posture straight, chin high, steps firm and confident, all the while maintaining a friendly face. At the nearest vacant seat, she sat herself down, nodding agreeably to the person next to her. And she made a fuss over her things, arranging her file and notebook on the tiny table. Then only she turned to her neighbor and smiled cordially at her. Handshakes are exchanged, and they started to tell about themselves. She answered questions carefully, never giving more information than what was asked. It is her own private principle.

Then she looked about the room, at the other nine or so people who were there. She smiled at those who caught her eye. But she still kept guard. She had decided to let others not see her real personality. She wanted people to think that she is a no-nonsense, intelligent girl, but at the same time friendly and cordial. And by this time, she was confident enough that she had achieved her goal.

At that precise moment, the girl next to her neighbor pointed to her left shoe. A piece of red thread, obvious even at quite a distance, is stuck to her black shoe heel. She bent down and slowly removed it. It really looked quite ridiculous. All this while, people must have been laughing at her, whispering behind their hands and pointing at the thread. Her image is ruined, all because of a piece of red thread. And her newly-erected wall of self-esteem crumbled again.

To see a world in a grain of sand, and heaven in a wild flower, hold infinity in the palm of your hand, and eternity in an hour.

It is amazing, that when you have so little time, you begin to appreciate everything. And when you stop to think about something, you ca see good in everything.

I Try to Get Rid of It But I Could Not.

My emak. Dia telah sabotajku pagi ini, dengan menyuruhku membawa durian naik bas dari Melaka ke KL untuk adik beradikku yang ada di sana. Nasib baik daku bukan berasal dari Perlis, dan kakak-kakakku tidak tinggal di Johor.
Durian itu dia keluarkan isinya dan letak di dalam balang Choclairs yang memang banyak ada di rumah. Kemudian dia dengan penuh gaya meletakkan balang itu di dalam beg plastik Roxy yang dia jumpa dalam bilik. Adoiyai emakku.
Oleh kerana awal-awal lagi daku dah pening dengan bau durian, daku pun keluarkan balang berisi isi durian tersebut. Kubalut kemas-kemas dengan kertas suratkhabar lama banyak-banyak. Kemudian ku cari-cari selotep. Mane selotep ni. Makku suruh cari di meja komputer. Tak ada. Aishh. Stapler pun jadilah.
Daku pun mengetip-ngetip balutan suratkhabar itu kat mana-mana yang boleh. Jadilah. Memang menjadi lumrahku membuat kerja cincai. Kasihan kepada anak-anak muridku dan anak-anakku besok. Lepas itu daku letak bungkusan dalam plastik Tesco pulak, dan kuikat lagi kuat-kuat biar tiada bau waima sedikit pun di hujung-hujung hidung, yang boleh lepas keluar.
Kubawa juga durian ke KL naik bas Jebat yang cuma ada 8 orang penumpang, sambil membaca buku John Grisham. Double the Pening.
Tapi emak sudah suruh, apa mau buat.



Alahai emak, jangan kahwinkan aku.