It was the first day in class, I still remember. I was straining to keep my eyes open. It wasn't from drowsiness, I'm sure. From that day onwards, I began to lose focus. Of course, I've always suffered from ADD, but this is different. I forgot myself. I used to laugh (and get annoyed) at people who doesn't realize it's their turn to read or to answer or whatever. But now I am one of them.
I thought I needed distraction. Something to keep me going. Something to keep me motivated. Just this bloody self-motivating thingy, I never could get hold of it. Or I wouldn't be writing this. Or I might have walked with snow under my feet.
It's not that I'm sick of it. I loved class. I am learning new things. Its what around me is disappointing. I desperately wanted for it to end. I wanted an escape. I wanted to be free. Was it because that I am 21 that I'm obligated to be so and so? Am I supposed to be so good, am I expected to be able at everything? By God, I am not Supergirl. I have faulty memory, for instance.
Sometimes I feel like vomiting all out in front of everybody. As loud as I can. But I am not sure how will I be able to clean it up. So I keep it all inside. Now I know why I keep gritting my teeth even when I am looking at trees. I am so used to doing it, it became a habit.
I don't ever want to hurt anybody. I don't ever want people to hate me. But I'm sad.
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