My Day.

I heard all of the French students passed their B2 DeLF exams. Congratulations. You'll all go to France.

This is the complete opposite of Schadenfreude. I wonder if I am doing the right thing. Lately I don't want to be alone. Fear and remorse haunt my mind. With nowhere else to run I am forced to remain. Years will pass by before I am able to forget my failures. What I have done wrong. What I have chosen. What forced me to make those false choices. What I could've done. Where I could've been.

What makes me go on is the thought that I will be fine. Things will gonna be OK. Although I don't believe it enough pun sebenarnya.

Enough. Let's talk about happier things! Though I should be happy or not, I don't know... ;)

I am back at my sisters' again today. It was hot on the way to and back from the train station. So I went and took the short way that goes through the compound of the condo opposite my sisters'. The condo's management, however, have installed this new security system that requires residents to bring a freaking access card even when they are only going to 7-Eleven 143 steps away. Plus they employed newly-arrived guards from Nepal (well, they look like Nepalese) who speak only mumbling English, few Malay and of course, their own mother tongue. I'm not a good writer - I couldn't describe the way they talk, but you can imagine.

And so. I climbed a small staircase and arrived at the small pedestrian gate. I waited, because I don't want to address the guards directly - it is THEIR job to notice if somebody is standing outside the gate. Plus I already saw that the is gate closed when I was at the foot of the stairs, and I stamped my feet all my way up so I can have their ready attention upon my arrival. But they failed to do so. I mean, they aren't doing anything anyway. Which brings me to wonder, what do guards do while they are guarding? Swiss guards, Buckingham palace guards, yes, they can pretend to stand guard while having their pictures taken by tourists. But here? Do they read comics? Or maybe solve maths questions? I think they are just hovering around, looking at us closely, pretending to do their jobs while actually checking us out. (Not that I say I'm worth checking out lah. Tee hee hee.)

Well, back to the story. I waited for about ten seconds (tgh panas ni ok) then only the guard turns to me. The story goes as follows:

Guard (looking at me dumbly): Access card?
Me: Oh. U need access card now? I have none. So this mean I couldn't go this way?
Guard: Ok, ok, no problem. Why no access card? Blok mana?
Me: I'm actually from Bayu 1.
Guard: Oh, Bayu 1, no problem. Tulis dulu.
Me: Tulis apa? (with a leceh-betul-la-korang-ni face)
Guard: Ok, ok, tak tulis, no problem.

He beeps the gate open. I went in. Suddenly-

Guard: You Punjabi? (at least dats what I think he's saying)

Still. Punjabi? Waddeheck?
But I answered him anyway.

Me: No, I'm Malay.
Guard: Malay? Not Punjabi?
Me: No. (half-smile, half grimace)
Guard: jkdgfsbvvnumccmewnebwguwbwjbvwdlcndjff.
Me: OK. (nodding with same expression etched on my face) Thank you.

And I walked away.

I'm told I have traces of Arabic features on my face. Now I know they were all DEAD wrong. I actually look like a Punjab.

What a bright, sunny day.

*DeLF B2 is equal to German Mittelstufe 2. Though now we call M2, B2 jugak. The exam I'll be taking this May is B1 = Zertifikat Deutsch. Kacang botoi? Ha ha. Dulu pernah jgk tak pas.